- Let the person know how you feel. McLemore advocates beginning with a gentle, one-on-one approach in which you tell the person how you feel about the way they treat you.
- Set limits.
- Control your responses.
- Ending the toxic relationship.
What to Do?
Disclaimer! You cannot just change your partner. But on the lighter note, you can change. And changing yourself can lead to your partner changing his or her behavior. What you need to do is examine the bad behavior and calmly but firmly do confrontation. Lay everything on the table, discuss it properly, identify what’s the reason and suggest an alternative way that would work better on both ends. Simple. Isn’t it?
Yes, it really is simple. Once again, you need to believe that you should be treated with respect, compassion and courtesy because you deserve it, otherwise, you should not continue the relationship anymore. Before confronting a toxic partner, you should expect that their behaviors will be escalated, and you must handle it properly.
How?
By staying calm and firmly repeat your request. Now if your partner refuses to change even a bit, consider detaching yourself from the relationship for 30 days. Talk to them again, repeat your request, let them know what might happen to both of you and your relationship if nothing will change. Let them know that you will not be staying in the relationship if they continue their toxic relationship. If they still refuse, do not think twice and leave. They might promise to change and relapse, the cycle will go on an on. Bottom line is you can attempt to improve a toxic relationship only if you’re prepared in leaving.
A notable exception: I strongly believe in a “Zero Tolerance” Policy for physical abuse. No matter how apologetic your partner is, if you’ve already been abused physically, you MUST separate from them IMMEDIATELY. If they seek professional help and you have the confidence to believe they will never physically abuse you again, you have the right to consider whether to stay or not on the relationship.
What if you have a parent(s) who have a toxic manner?
If you are an adult, you are fortunate you are not with them 24/7 and might have a significant other for support in dealing with them. Dealing with a toxic parent is the same way as dealing with a toxic partner.
How?
Confront them, offer alternative ways both of you can relate, and see what happens. If nothing happens, manage to limit your contact with them. However, since few of us would or should totally abandon an elderly parent especially who might need our help, you need to take control of the relationship. It is not an easy thing to say or even do, but by taking control for example is limiting phone calls, or choosing when you see them, etc. you can offer them your help while keeping your emotional equilibrium.
We often label individuals who chose to stay in a toxic relationship as co-dependent. In my opinion, co-dependency is a result of low self-esteem that makes it difficult for them to follow the things I’ve suggested. Again, if you’re in a toxic relationship and having trouble confronting your partner’s behavior, do not hesitate to seek therapeutic help. You might profit in joining a co-dependency group. You can read a book or use the internet to search for techniques that might help yourself develop self-esteem to live toxic relationship free.
Here is a video of how can you deal with a toxic relationship
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